The Fish Man Visits Hawaii - Part I
By Tim Boelema
The Flight
It was a feeling he hadn’t encountered since his high school days
when he and some friends decided to see how many of them could fit into an AMC
Gremlin. He can’t remember the exact number any longer, but that feeling of
being crushed under a pile of humanity and the panic brought by claustrophobia
will never be forgotten.
The thought of being stuck on an 8 hour non-stop flight was causing a little uneasiness and the stuffiness and heat on the plane were bringing on that claustrophobic feeling first experienced almost 20 years earlier. What if he went nuts thousands of feet above ground and had hours to go before landing? Would he make an idiot of himself? Where is the bathroom anyway?
“How long have we been on this plane anyway?” he gasped.
“About 45 minutes,” his wife, Mrs. Fish muttered.
The plane made a slight lurch as it started to ease away from the terminal. With the movement came a little fresher air from the overhead blowers and some of the tension eased as the plane began to race down the runway and begin its assent. He smiled to himself as he thought of the episode of the Beverly Hillbillies when Jed and Granny took their first airplane ride. Thinking they were just on a fancy bus and not on a plane, they peered out of the windows as they headed down the runway and exclaimed, “if this bus goes any faster, it’s going to fly!” The Fish Man loved that show and thought of that episode every time he took off in a plane. Well, at least it helped take his mind off the flight.
The Fish Man and his bride of almost 15 years now were on their way to Hawaii. It wasn’t entirely a pleasure trip; they were being sent there by Mrs. Fish’s company for this year’s award ceremonies. Mrs. Fish works for a computer software company, although the Fish Man can’t usually describe what she exactly does there. It doesn’t really matter though, because she’s very good at what she does and the company pays for some pretty great trips. They were extending the trip for a few days to do their own thing and as kind of an early anniversary trip.
The thought of Hawaii first conjured up thoughts of visiting some fish collectors and wholesalers, but realizing that this idea wouldn’t fly with his wife, the Fish Man was willing to settle for a visit to a couple of fish stores. Time would tell about how much stuff he could get away with. After a stop in Honolulu, they would be off to the Garden Island of Kauai. He had no idea just how soon the fish adventure would begin.
The
Adventure Begins
It started as they walked through the terminal in Honolulu and came
to a central courtyard. The courtyard was filled with palm trees, tropical
plants and ….ponds! He was gazing out longingly when his wife said, “We have
some time before our flight leaves, why don’t we find our gate and then you go
check out the ponds.”
“Isn’t she great!” he thought as he glanced her way, not realizing she really just wanted some sun.
The ponds were shallow but quite large. They were actually a series of several ponds connected by channels under bridges and walkways. He was really having a great time checking out the fish, although he thought the koi were rather dull and ugly and almost oversized for the depth of the water. The backs of the fish were even out of the water in certain parts of the pond. Huddling under some of the bridges, the giant fish tried to find shelter from the hot sun. He noticed some very large schools of some smaller fish in the ponds as well. Being a livebearer fan, he was delighted to see thousands of mosquito fish with bright orange dorsal fins which were probably Gambusia. They continued their stroll around the ponds when he caught sight of some brilliant blue fish in a little cove. To his surprise he realized that these fish were some Pseudotropheus (African Cichlids) adults surrounded by lots of baby fish. The Fish Man loved this unlikely mix of fish in the same waters – koi, livebearers and African cichlids. He smiled as he thought of the many arguments that would be generated by people wanting to mix-up their fish.
“It will never work,” most people would say, “You can’t mix different kinds of fish.”
He’d been through these arguments before, but he routinely mixed Africans and livebearers together. He also mixes Africans and live plants, which many people insist cannot be done, either.
“You just have to pick the right ones and have enough space,” he argued silently. He was confident in his assessment. After all, he was the Fish Man. It was nice to see it working in reality, though.
Well phase one of the fun was over. His wife grabbed his arm and led him on to the gate. “We still have plenty of time,” he muttered, but he didn’t make any real fuss.
The Garden Island
They arrived at the Lihue airport on the island of Kauai and were
surprised to see the entire terminal was outside. One restaurant was the only
building in which to escape the heat and the elements. Several canopies
provided some shade, but the cement and asphalt were plenty hot.
The rental car was pretty nice. They had ordered a convertible, but the carpets were badly stained. Mrs. Fish reported the situation to the rental car office and was told to not worry about it, they’re all that way. “What’s the deal, is everyone here a bunch of pigs or are they laid back that nobody gives a rip about some stains?” they wondered aloud.
Of course they were not familiar with the island’s famous “Red Dirt” and frequent rain showers. They found out that it rains many times each day, but usually for a few minutes at a time. The combination of dirt and water makes for some really potent stains.
They immediately made a wrong turn out of the airport but still managed to arrive at the hotel in only a few minutes. The hotel was nice, not extravagant, but nice. Outside the lobby was a series of swimming pools, a hot tub and a waterfall. The ocean was just beyond the pools. They would have to check them out later. They headed up the elevator to the second floor and their room. The room overlooked 2 large ponds and if you looked between the two buildings across the parking lot and the fog hadn’t set in, it had a view of the ocean. They dumped off their luggage and quickly decided to check out the hotel grounds and the beach.
Well, the brochure was right when it said that the beach wasn’t so great. It was rather rocky, had quite a steep decline to the water, and it was obvious that the hotel didn’t send too many employees down there to pick up litter. Not to be discouraged, the Fish Man and his lovely companion decided to walk down to the beach and explore. Their stride and posture contrasted each other quite dramatically. Mrs. Fish walked upright with her gaze to the horizon and nearby buildings, while the Fish Man seemed to wander aimlessly, hunching over waiting for the slightest movement in the water.
“I gotta find some fish,” He insisted, although no one was really listening.
Damsels,
Blennies & Porcupine Clowns
A short stroll down the beach brought him to pay-dirt. On the edge
of the hotel ground was a freshwater stream which emptied out into the ocean. A
crude pier-like structure, made from a pile of lava rock, helped to create a
small cove. He suspected that this water would be brackish because of the mix
of ocean and stream.
“I wonder what the salinity is in here,” he mused, “Where’s a hydrometer when you need it?”
“I always forget to pack something,” he joked to himself.
He soon was wading in a shallow stream and heading for the rock where he knew he would find some fish. What kind would he see, freshwater or arine?
“Hey ,Damsels!” he yelled to his wife, who was now mildly interested. “They are Seargent Majors and some blennies, urchins and crabs!” He exclaimed.
Mrs. Fish dutifully waded out to where he is exploring and for a short time, joined him in his adventure. She was pretty good about that kind of thing, knowing that the fun he was having, the more time she could spend in the sun.
“Cool….pretty,” she offered. “What kind is that?” she inquired.
She had become quite the professional at being interested in his obsession and although she would not admit it, she was becoming more fish-like herself. He spewed out the names of the fish. He actually knew most of them, although he wouldn’t be above making names up. She wouldn’t know the difference.
A young couple with a tiny baby soon joined them at the beach. They were speaking what he guessed was French and seemed quite puzzled at the Fish Man’s activities. They obviously spoke English as well, because they asked what the stream was and was it clean water.
“It’s not sewage run-off is it?” they asked.
He hadn’t thought of that possibility, but spoke with his usual know-it-all authority, “No, it’s just a natural stream.” He sure hoped he was right, because the couple stripped the baby naked and began splashing him around in the water.
“Well the fish are doing good,” he thought nervously.
After a short while they headed up for some dinner, passing on the $49.00 a person seafood buffet, they settled for a burger and a beer in the bar.
“I wonder if the buffet includes a beverage?” he asked.
“Like it would make a difference,” Mrs. Fish snapped back.
The waitress was cute and the food was good. They had fun watching the reaction of the other hotel guests as they walked over to the restaurant with the seafood buffet. Soon all the tables around them were filled with people who apparently didn’t like seafood.
All-in all, they decided, it had been a great day, they sat on the balcony overlooking the pond while planning the next day. Of course the Fish Man had to check out the Yellow Pages for the Pets Section to see if there were any pet stores nearby. He chuckled to himself as he noticed that the Pets section is always next to the Pests section in the Yellow Pages of every city they go to. He also smiles at how easily amused he is by such things. Sensing that delirium was setting in, they headed to bed anxious to continue their adventure in the morning.